Tyler Perry & The Place Of Parted Company

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What Has The Church Become? Pt. 3

This week playwright and comedian Tyler Perry was on the Oprah Winfrey Show detailing, for the first time, his history of physical abuse, sexual abuse and the adult life struggles that ensued as a result. Tyler described times when beatings were so severe that he once blacked out for 3 days, and sexual abuse from both men (3 before age 10, including one minister who performed oral sex on him) and at least one woman that also wanted to fulfill her lust with a child. Here's a video excerpt of one of the events of physical abuse that changed Tyler forever: Opra.com

Tyler Perry's description of his early years:

"[It was] a living hell,"...(When shown this picture) "That's hard for me to look at,"..."I feel like I died as a child."..."I could go to this park [in my mind] that my mother and my aunt had taken me to. ... I'm there in this park running and playing, and it was such a good day," he says. "So, every time somebody was doing something to me that was horrible, that was awful, I could go to this park in my mind until it was over."

Tyler Perry on coming to know God: 

"I thought, 'What is the point of living?'" he says. "My mother was truly my saving grace, because she would take me to church with her. I would see my mother smiling in the choir, and I wanted to know this God that made her so happy. If I had not had that faith in my life, I don't know where I would be right now."

Let Me Be Clear:

At first, I was under the impression that this interview would be like the Kirk Franklin interview simply outlining the numerous sins and hypocrisy of yet another popular gospel personality. After viewing the show and listening intently to what was said, I can only say that I have a new, deeper and more profound respect for Tyler Perry and what he has endured. I part ways with the punditry that continues to criticize and mischaracterize this man's experiences and desires. Although there is legitimate, ongoing conversation that must be encouraged, I hear LOUD and CLEAR, by his own testimony that Tyler is not nor has ever been a homosexual.



Aunt Jerry aka Mudea

To their shame, popular pundits have used Tyler's experience to argue against other individuals unrelated to any significant issue at hand. Some have taken the position that no matter what "Tyler ain't saved" because he continues to satire his aunt Jerry (Mudea) on stage and in movies. For them, the reality of this man's experience takes a back seat to what he does on stage and in Hollywood.

Another area of confusion is over understanding and distinguishing the difference between a  physical response (an erection) to unwanted sexual abuse and undesired sexual and physical aggression. For those critics, only conformity to a set of standards, rules and codes, usually outlined by and for them, are  the only thing important. In fact, one popular minister posted the following regarding Tyler's revelations during the interview:

"If Tyler Perry confessed to being confused sexually and his best friend is TD Jakes? Why is he still confused? Isn’t Jakes a man of God? Isn’t he able to cast out demons and heal the sick? Isn’t he the master of men’s emotions and an awesome deliverer of the word with power? Why can’t TD Jakes, best friend of a sexually confused, cross dressing man, help him? This situation speaks volumes for TD Jakes sexuality."

Now, there are quite a few problems with this statement including the fact that Tyler didn't mention T.D. Jakes at all, but somehow, TD  became the target of this minister's retort...Besides the fact that it is totally callous and indifferent statement toward individuals who have suffered from sexual and physical abuse ~ from a MINISTER~ this sort of reasoning implies that all saved people really aren't saved if they have unsaved family members or friends. In other words, your realness is proven by your ability to save those around you??? I suppose, according to this pundit, the salvation and "power" of any believer should be in doubt if the inability to convert family members and friends doesn't immediately arise as a result of a relationship.

In short, this and statements like this are ridiculous sentiments to say the least. One reason could be because everyone that I know of has at least one unsaved family member. Some godly and powerful individuals have husbands, wives and even children that are not saved. There are many logical flaws with this sort of reasoning, if it can be called reasoning at all. 

Sexual Confusion???

Let's look at the aspersion of sexual confusion for a minute. Did Tyler say anything that would ascribe him as being "sexually confused"?

NO. The fact is that I heard a Tyler Perry that was anything but sexually confused. I heard a Tyler Perry that confessed that he studied his sexuality for quite some time distinguishing the difference between his desire and what his body wanted to "deceive" him into believing. This sort of reasoning may be unfamiliar to many, but from a psychological and biblical standpoint, these types of statements and reasonings are anything but confused. The bible plainly outlines the war between the flesh, the spirit, and  the mind, indicating that we can know the "mind of the Spirit" and distinguish its call from the call of the flesh. In fact here is the exchange between Oprah and Tyler regarding this "confusion" 

Oprah: Did [the molestations] leave you confused sexually?

Tyler: Yes, absolutely. How could it not? I knew I liked the little girls in the neighborhood, but this man was doing something to me and my body kept betraying me. It took me all of my 20s to figure out what this was that this man had given me to carry inside of my heterosexuality that did not belong to me. This is why so many men will not talk about this—the shame of having to admit that. And there is no textbook definition for what molestation does to someone. Each individual is different.

Oprah: Everyone is different.

Tyler: This is my story, so another man who has been molested may have a different story. But for me to be in this position and have what he had done to me...he gave me something to carry that I didn't want, that I didn't desire. And thank God, somewhere along the way, I found what you feed will grow in your life, and what you don't will starve.

He summarized the actions of all of his molesters like this:

"All of these people had given me something to carry,"..."I think that everyone who's been abused, there is a string to the puppet master, and they're holding you hostage to your behaviors and what you do. At some point, you have to be responsible for them. What I started to do is untie the strings and chase them down to where they came from. And I was able to free myself and understand that even though these things happened to me, it was not me."

What Tyler was given was the burden of sin. This was the load that he carried. It is obvious that whatever was previously confusing is no longer confusing and what burdens that he was carrying, he learned to lay down. All of which are biblical principles:

Matthew 11:28-30 ~ 28- Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29-Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30- For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light."

Now, the critic would ask, Is Tyler saved? I believe we can agree that if som there is some work to do, as he adds more of the world to himself, but we must look to the argument at hand and ask, are we really to believe that the nature of our sins follow some uniform standard, code or set of rules? Are we to believe that there are "gatekeepers" who somehow certify our sin and repentance in a context that suits them?

Here we have yet ANOTHER classic example of the church, listening to and witnessing a victim of sexual abuse, physical abuse and clergy sexual abuse, explain their story only to be received by a church who yet blames the VICTIM for what he has experienced and how he has responded. This is the sad reality that we face.

Discovering Healing From Sexual Abuse 

What is obviously clear is that too many willing to commit themselves to a position of criticism, have not taken the time to understand the nature of sexual abuse and or what it takes to be healed from it. In the book, "Faithful & True, Sexual Integrity In A Fallen World"  Mark Laaser, PH.D. [Zondervan 1992] stated the following:

"Describing abuse is for the purpose of understanding, not for the purpose of blaming. Blame implies judgement. Understanding implies healing. Recovering sex addicts seek to understand their abuse so they might heal from it." ~ pg. 98

Dr. Laaser states further:

"Understanding abuse allows people to recognize what happened to them and how they cope with it through their addictions. it allows them to understand how painful the abuse was, how frightened they were, how alone they felt, and how angry they are. By acknowledging these feelings and finding healthy ways to express them and cope with them, they can be healed." ~ pg. 98

We certainly don't imply that Tyler was a sex addict, however the psychology is the same and this is exactly what Tyler described on the show. Those who have suffered pain from sexual abuse should seek to understand the abuse, and their response to the abuse. This honesty is healing and exposing the enemy is what is freedom.

Conclusion

At this place where pious, godless and ivory tower Christianity meets the real need, I PART COMPANY with those who would rather castigate and throw aspersion than help bring healing to individuals, examining the real issues.

As stated, the church should send a message to Tyler that cursing, which is becoming more and more prevalent in his material, is an unacceptable standard for Christians whether in Hollywood or elsewhere. The church should undertake the conversation of whether entertainment allows cross-dressing. Better yet the church does better to define what cross-dressing is and whether actors playing a character are guilty of it. It well may be that it is. Nevertheless, those undertakings are serious and valid undertakings, and conversations that can and should be had without promoting lies. Further, we should ask, how does the bible shape our world as it pertains even to our most mundane activities? Is the bible to be used as a Christian version of Sharia' or is there a unique relationship that Christ has with his people, the church?  

I'm sorry to disappoint, but the church and leaders should be rebuked to join the punditry of criticising the experience of those who have suffered sexual abuse while simultaneously claiming that they have hope for the hopeless and offer help to the hurting. This is both contradictory and the epitome of hypocrisy. With friends like that, the world certainly needs no enemies.

Thank God that we have a friend in Jesus!

Blessed!

 

Source:

Oprah ~ Tyler Perry's Traumatic Childhood