Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Church Shootings & The Value Of A Father

A recent article by the Washington Times  brought to light a recently released book,  The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It,” by Warren Farrell and John Gray. 

The Washing Times reports Mr. Farrell stating the following regarding some boys who have no fathers or limited access to fathers:
“They’re much more likely to drink, much more likely to do drugs, much more likely to be depressed, much more likely to be suicidal, much more likely to be violent, much more likely to be in prison,” ... “And they’re also much more likely to commit mass shootings.”
Mr. Farrell also relates many issues to purpose and self identity that male school shooters fail to receive from their fathers:
“Today, there’s a purpose void, because you don’t need as many boys in war, and both girls and boys share the potential for being breadwinners,” he said. “When that purpose void combines with fatherlessness, boys don’t have a way of being guided to a more nuanced sense of purpose.”
Also in the article, Peter Langman, a child psychology expert, who wrote a 2016 article on the subject, sampled a 56 person school shooter group and found the following:
“Out of this sample of 56 school shooters, only 10 (18%) grew up in a stable home with both biological parents,”... “In other words, 82% of the sample either grew up in dysfunctional families or without their parents together (for at least part of their lives).”
The Alternative Facts Of The Anti-Family Pro Gay Movement

What is bound to be a controversy is already brewing with statements and sentiments like these. Now to be fair we should not assume that just because one is pro-gay that they are anti-family. That is NOT the point of the article. However, we must be real in recognizing that the current trend is to remove any concept of gender identity such as the words or titles "Father" and "Mother" from the context of the family and public discourse all together. Those terms are being replaced by parent 1 and parent 2. In fact France has sought to ban the terms (Mother and Father) from governmental or official applications. 

Because of open sexuality and societal acceptance of the homosexual agenda, and a push for the establishment and acceptance of transgenderism, there has been a noteable push for unisexism and gender fluidity which also has sought to minimize the unique differences between male and female.

The Gender Myth

Society is embracing a moral ethic which in essence contends that  our identity at birth is a "myth" and is flexible, depending upon how one feels. We are bombarded with existential values that promote that individuals can "find our own path", "create our own purpose" or "identify as who you want to be".

In the process of doing all of that the gender differences have been minimized and even eliminated from public discussion and discourse. However, there is a way that a man has or is positioned that should be different than a woman. The differences are given to humanity for our benefit, not our detriment.

I believe that studies will show and continue to show that we damage our children by not allowing those differences to be on display and exist.

The temperament of a women is given to enhance the family and society. The temperament of a man is given to society and the family to enhance both as well. A work environment that contains both men and women allows then to work together through their differences not to the amalgamation of some type of identity(less) work force, but one in which individuals of both genders (as there is only two) enhance community, society and family.

In other words humanity has been given two genders within humanity for the benefit of humanity and each gender has a set of unique differences that they bring to society and the family. When those differences are allowed to flourish a family and community can be enhanced. 

The Father's Role

A fathers role is a very significant one. While I certainly don't intend to be comprehensive in all here, I will more than affirm that from a biblical perspective it can be observed that the moral, spiritual and essential values and duties are given to the children by the father. It is through the father that an inheritance is given. It is through the Father that the purpose and role, duty and commitment and direction to family and society is given. Identity is a product of fatherhood.

It is this role of fatherhood that has been diminished within society. Institutions such as education and the corrections system have taken the place of father within society. Then it is estimated that in 2015 that over 670,000 children were in foster care within the United States. 34% of all children live in a single parent family today. Within the African American community nearly 67% of children live in a single parent family and most of those families are headed by women.

THAT IS NOT TO INDICT THOSE women children and or families as is often done. This information is presented to inform individuals of  the issues involved as we seek to provide solutions to society and create environments where young people feel and embrace their fulfillment and purpose rather than experience the hopelessness and despair that leads to school violence and any other violence. 

Within The School Setting 

Society expects so much of the school. Especially within the public school. The thought is that it is the school's duty to train students to be productive or informed individuals within society. It has even ventured into the area of moral values education and implementation. The school now not only provides curriculum based on evidence based sex education, but also for moral values based education centered in how one should "think" about moral issues, such as sexuality.

As the role of the school has increased in this area, the role and position of the church has decreased dramatically. Now, church is mainly about entertaining the masses, collecting offerings and receiving the next "blessing" or "word" and following or finding ones "destiny or purpose"...In other words the church has failed in her responsibility and let the community down dramatically.

However, I believe that the role of the family, both mother and father are irreplaceable and not for sale!

As a Native American/Black man, I understand the perceptions of a public school system who is 1- not used to seeing men that look like me intimately involved with their children's education and 2- unfamiliar with men that are leaders, that seek to implement plans for their families and find ways to impact their communities.

Can we stop a school shooter or a child bent on committing suicide by delivering to him or her the values of God, purpose, and morality? I don't know i it is just a simple one to one ration, but I'll tell you what, society will be better if we at least try! 

In our Parent Forum on Facebook, I delivered the following commentary in relationship to this article and I would encourage other fathers to share their experience and ask that their school district not only see them, but acknowledge them for the valuable resource that they are within the school setting. 

To what I wrote:
Now, I believe this is an area of high concern in all educational settings. Within District 150 the mostly White Administrators and even some Black one's don't know how to take, receive and or accept the Black male Father in a school setting.

In all the inner city schools in Peoria I have been in, if they need someone to have a seminar, instruct or encourage kids by far and large most administrative teams look for either a popular Black women or a White male. The Black father isn't even a consideration.

How do I know? After having 2 kids matriculate through District 150 from Valeska Hinton to Sr. High, (one still in) and after setting hitory in the African American community as a male role model who is also Black, I can count the number of times on one hand that an administrative staff, when led by mostly White administrators, called me for anything in the school.

They would see me everyday. I would be involved in everything, but when it came time to reach the students, they would invariably call White men or look for popular Black women such as political leaders and other socialites, many of whom rarely, if ever, show up in the school for anything.

Then, just plainly looking at the employee integration ratio, there are not enough Black male teachers, Now, this is tragic.

Fathers make a difference. In my case I was able to coach a team my son participated on. I was able to interact with the kids in a fatherly manner as well. Not all kids need this, but to have that type of relationship available to kids is what the District should foster.

With excuses like, "we want an in house person" and all the other nonsensical avoidance jargon that Principals and leadership teams use to avoid hiring parents and in particularly Fathers, this lets me know that they are not prepared for 21st Century leadership or have as a top priority the advancement and well being of our children as a whole. It is about their "process" and the stability of their teacher groups and not about the cultivation of parents and how that positively impacts students.

Principal, next time you have an event and want to showcase someone or reach students, look at the parents and fathers in particularly that you already have. There are some who are business owners, some who are doing great things of which you are not aware. Then find an interest in those who support you and your school. Recently we had a program related to Black history and the team creating the program looked over the leaders that have committed to the school to try to cultivate someone whom the school rarely if ever sees. That is ridiculous.

Then parents that want to participate with their children in education and extra curricular activity, should be made to feel welcomed and embraced throughout the entire system and their values and viewpoints embraced instead of being told "that's not the way we do things"

I know from experience as it pertains to all the things I have outlined and more. It is time that if we truly want a safe environment for our children and really have a concern for them that we PUT UP OR SHUT UP!!!

But if one can be hateful to a child, then I suppose it is not an issue to express or show a similar hate to the parent and in particularly to a Father and to a Black Father as well. We can do much better!

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