The Genesis Of Church Related Abuse

Reflecting on the statements of Bishop Talbert Swan in THIS POST as he addressed a particular Elder that had a sharp critique of his message, brought my mind back 180 to the issue of church related abuse and advocacy for survivors of such abuse.

The Anatomy Of Abuse 

Abuse has a plot, or pathway that must be undertaken. That plot exists regardless of the type of abuse. Both sexual or nonsexual abuse follow similar paths...The perpetrator  seeks to exalt themselves, while simultaneously demeaning his victim and others that could be positioned to assist. Abuse is often interpreted initially as bullying, and certainly may have elements of bullying, but goes a step further into consistent derision of character and downgrading the character, intellect and personal ability of the subject. 

Then...there is the theme of abuse which is delivered on the basis of multiple lies...the lie is that the perpetrator has great power, insight and authority, and that authority is inescapable and is the final word on the issue. The lie that, as the Borg say, "resistance is futile"..."no one will believe you"...then the lie of lack of self sufficiency, that the victim can not make it on their own and their efforts are not enough to create self sustainability.

Then, within the structure of abuse, the abuser must capture and diminish the psychological strength of the victim. The abuser wishes to live rent free in the mind of their victim. The goal is to create a false sense of connection that the abuser then uses to deprive the victim of any sense of value or self sustainability. Most individuals that have suffered abuse and abusive behavior struggle with feelings of adequacy(self esteem), anxiety and trust. This is by design of the abuser, because the abuser wants his victims to "trust" him above everyone else and feel as if they can't make it on their own or at the very least without the approval of the victimizer.   

Church Related Abuse?

Yes, this type of abuse is solidly within the church. The problem is that most individuals abused can't discern their abuse, nor decipher the actions of their abuser in many cases. Many tend to write abusive behavior off to "personal preference". What makes this even more pervasive, is that many abusers within the church are persons of otherwise good behavior and personability, but have learned abusive behaviors from others and have come to emulate the abusive behavior to which they were exposed. They implement the abusive behavior that they were taught, which in most cases was affirmed to them as the "right way" to do things.

According to current studies, 95% of all abusers use psychological tactics to perpetrate their abuse and their victims are 3.5 times more likely to abuse others in a similar manner. ~ NIH 2019

You don't think that Dr. Marvin Sapp created "close the doors" do you??? Do you think that Bishop Marvin Winans, was the progenitor of "the special gift line" or the "church gift commitment line"??? He certainly wasn't. From what I know of both these men that are good people. However, these sort of things have been going on in the church for years, and good people have become victims of bad practices. Those who endured were either praised or put to shame based on their ability to tow the line or comply and most complied with abuse because they didn't know any better, and now, abusive behavior feels and sounds normal. 

I mean look at it...every year, in COGIC any way, and I am sure in other churches as well, there is normally a "Pastor's Anniversary", A "District Meeting" and a State Convocation. Many times there are multiple anniversary services for various individuals in various positions and most end or have an element where "special gifts" are received. Some, with fear of the side-eye, line up with envelopes either representing themselves or an auxiliary with special tokens of love. On the surface this practice seems harmless. However, this can readily be an open doorway and path to manipulation because it is usually done in an open setting with plenty of observers. Giving is not the issue. Showing love for the leader(s) is not the issue. The issue is that this structure creates pressure to come up with something in order to please the one receiving the gift or the one coercing the affair...YES I said coerce!   

Speaking Of Gifts...There Is Financial Abuse

Now, as stated, it is not abuse to ask for monetary gifts, or to set and or make a standard of giving and create a system of accountability both for the giver and recipient, however the methodology used to encourage giving can be abusive as outlined above.  

To claim or feel that people will be cursed, killed, condemned or whatever if they don't give a certain amount is non-biblical and cannot be supported by scripture. However, to encourage honesty about giving is wholly biblical as dishonesty in general, no matter over monetary issues of not, could meet significant punishment. (See Acts 5)

Quite specifically, the problem is manipulation. To have a public display by which givers are distinguished from those who don't or can't contribute, could be abusive and is certainly not a best practice. Yes, I have seen it all...we have seen the "tithe payer display", with green stars by the names of those who gave and red stars or a blank spot by those who did not give. Sorry, that is not being accountable nor is it creating a system of accountability. It is the genesis or nexus for abuse and establishes a boundary between the abuser of one wmulating abusive practices and the victim.  

This sort of abuse establishes a group of them who comply and shames them who don't. Sometimes a person's income is inconsistent, so why should they be shamed when they have an inability to give? When a person simply "takes" that exposure as a normal, they have become desensitized and accepted the abuse of their abuser and unfortunately is set for the next stage or type of abuse. 

As stated, there is a staunch and strong difference between accountability and abuse. An individual who has made a commitment and failed to me it, when they had means and opportunity to make themselves accountable, should be held accountable. However, public shaming is not accountability, neither is it an accountability system. It is a bullying and abuse tactic. 

$$$ Lines 

There are the $1,000+ lines, (we can hear it now...the $2,026 dollar commitment lines) the $500 lines, the $100 lines, the $50 lines and the "whatever you have lines" but the giver should ask, why and to what end is this happening? What purpose do these lines serve? If a person is giving $1,000 and if a person is giving $20, does God not know what is being given and under what circumstances the gift is being made? Does God not know how to respond in blessing the gift?  Then, what of the one that is in the audience who is struggling to keep food on the table and the lights on? Abuse doesn't consider anyone else, all it does is make a demand. 

The giving lines, serve the people asking and motivates the giver based on shame in most cases. In most circumstances, these practices have less to do with a display of faith and more to do with group compliance and or stigmatizing those who either don't give, won't give or can't give. 

All the time I hear good preachers and ministers of the gospel engage in this sort of financial abuse in giving. This has created a certain group of people who have responded by refraining from giving anything to the church or its mission. While that may not be good, when a person has experienced this sort of abuse, and been liberated from it, one can't blame them for their response to the abuse. 

Church Structure & Heirical Abuse

The type of abuse that Talbert Swan laid out I am sure made all the sense in the world to him. To say that Bishops were in some elite class because of their title and were exempt from the critique and or rebuke of anyone in a lower or lesser position, not only displayed the height of arrogance as I outlined, but the epitome of ignorance and the very seed of abuse within the church. 

Under interpretations such as Swan's, and in the minds of them that accept his train of thought, a person who is not a part of the "elite class" cannot critique, the acts and statements of those who are allegedly in the upper echelon. If that is the case, there is a  hierarchy that is untouchable and one that cannot be held accountable until they decide to hold themselves accountable. In many cases this is exactly how accountability or lack thereof is handled. While such notions are totally ridiculous, one thing is for sure, reasoning along those lines have kept abusers in place to perpetuate their abuse, and they depend on those types of sentiments and fear to continue their abuse, which certainly evolves as time goes by. 

In the multiple sexual abuse interviews that I have conducted with members and former members within various churches, one theme is consistent...a person with authority or with a certain amount of power, was not stopped, detained or told to stop during either the precursor of abuse or during the abuse itself once the ungodly behavior and suggestions had begun. In some cases, the victim was further shamed when they attempted to stop the abuse themselves. Power, authority, control and influence were the levers by which abuse was applied and perpetuated. To defy those powers and that authority led to public shaming and this was promoted and accepted by a host of "cheerleaders" of the ministry(ies) who did not want their church, leader or alleged higher authority to be exposed. 

In one particular case a young lady, who had been abused by "the Bishop" for a number of years, was placed in front of the church when she and her sister, who had suffered the abuse, began to cry out for their liberation. She was the one that the Mothers and Elders would lay hands on because the interpretation was that she (they) needed the help and were facing a spiritual dilemma...because certainly, "our leader" wasn't capable of those damnable acts"...But...HE WAS! 

Hierarchy must be held accountable not only for their sins, perversion and excess, but also for their teachings, false doctrines and made up rules and requirements that suggest and facilitate abuse and abusive behavior. This is not a democrat not republican issue. It is a human issue and one that must be addressed without threat and or fear of retaliation or punishment from "higher-ups".

Abuse...Who Is Right?

A preacher once asked me, how do we discern between the liar and the actual abuser? I say, we use discernment, we begin with prayer and seeking God. In abuse advocacy, many times more than not the truth is on the side of those who have been victimized. Because of the stigma associated with reporting abuse, if abuse didn't actually happen it is less likely that a person would bring an accusation, however that is not always true. The best answer is to use spiritual discernment. 

The fact is, even if a person is lieing about their abuse, they need to be ministered to so that they can be delivered from their desire to lie. However,  if an abuser is abusing and feels that they are beyond accountability, you can be assured that they will continue their abuse and continue to abuse others and that abuse will graduate and take other even more abusive forms. 

The Genesis Of Church Related Abuse

As one can see, church related abuse is like all forms of abuse. Those with power, test the boarders to see how much they can get away with without being accountable for their acts and actions. After testing the borders, when it is discovered that there is no, or little accountability or pushback, abuse and abusive behavior invariably evolves and gets worse over time until even onlookers are seduced into accepting such behavior as normal.  

Where there is no SAFE CHURCH Plan, as we have discussed HERE and set forth on FACEBOOK, congregants are potentially exposed to abuse and abusive behavior.

We believe that it is important that all churches undertake a SAFE CHURCH plan and train members on how to identify abuse and abusive behavior at all stages, implementing the best practices against such abuse and support those who have suffered abuse at whatever stage it has been encountered. There is a community that must be healed in the event of abuse and the church is a lighthouse by which the world should be able to see the TRUTH and LOVE of Christ.   

I Am My Brother's Keeper Christian Advocacy Council has been busy for a number of years speaking to abuse and seeking to support and encourage survivors. We have presented the outline of an advocacy plan to multiple pastors of multiple organizations many of whom take this matter seriously. The unfortunate part is that not everyone takes this issue seriously. Hopefully, that day will come!

Blessed!